Support workers work with people who have disabilities and are unable to function in specific areas of their lives. Support workers are usually certified or assistants who work at people’s homes or community facilities which may include helping people if in hospital briefly. While people who work in this position at a private residence may work in a less regulated environment, all workers require training insurances and relevant clearances and must possess the capability to provide professional domestic and physical support.
Personal boundaries refer to those invisible borders that separate your psychological and emotional space from someone else, they are defined by the expectations we all have about appropriate behavior and roles in a relationship. So you might share close personal details with your best friend but not someone you just met. Boundaries vary depending on the person and the situation.
Caregiver relationships are very complicated, starting with the fact that you now have to have somebody help you where maybe you never had to before, and often this involves intimate care in which someone is seeing you naked, someone is doing your or a loved ones bowel program. That’s a very different level of help than asking somebody to get something off the shelf in a grocery store, and it leads to feeling vulnerable.
Often it is family or loved ones who become caregivers for individuals with disabilities or acquired injury, and this can cause problems because there are so many different roles people play in each other’s lives. A family caregiver may decide to “take over” and make all the decisions because they think it will make it easier for the person or they feel they know what’s best. On the other hand, the person needing care may expect their spouse or loved one to be available every minute of every day.
Potential problems with hired caregivers include such things as the hired person asking for favors, first on a small scale or infrequently, but then becoming more common or more intrusive. Or the problem can go the other way, such as asking a caregiver to do something that is not in the job description or is outside the agreed-upon expectations. There are many examples of pushing personal boundaries and they can go both ways.
One way to avoid these problems is to maintain as much independence as possible, this means taking responsibility for directing your care and making choices about your care. It puts you back in the driver seat.
Why is this such a hard thing? People frequently worry about being a burden, so they may not ask for what they really want. They want to keep the caregivers “happy” so they are more likely to stick around. Or they may find that it’s simply easier to let someone else make the decisions. But giving up on all your own preferences can easily slip into losing a sense of self. Taking control over what you can control eases the burden of decision making and leads to more satisfying situations because you get things done your way.
Another part of being independent is being assertive in your interactions. A lot of people have difficulty with this because they often confuse communication that’s assertive with being aggressive or feel that if you tell people what you want, you’re being demanding and difficult. However, there is an important distinction. An aggressive approach is inflexible, my way or no way, and whatever you want doesn’t matter. A passive approach says the other person’s needs and wants are more important than mine. Passive-aggressive people, on the other hand, manipulate others into thinking they got their way when they didn’t. The assertive approach says “let’s negotiate. I want X and you want Y, so let’s talk.” Being assertive doesn’t mean you always get what you want, but it guarantees that you get to express your wants and needs. People often forget that if they just tell people what they want, they might actually get it.”
How do you exert independence and assertiveness with your mother or your wife or husband? You talk about what you both need. And you recognize the fact that there is a dual relationship going on, that you’re not going to want your spouse to help you with a bowel program and then have sex, or that you’re not going to want your parents help you get ready for a date and then ask you about your Foley (catheter) on the way out the door. You have to communicate about how the relationship is changing and how to come to a solution that works for both of you.
With paid caregivers, some think it’s best to approach hiring caregivers as a business. It ensures that you set up boundaries at the start. Think of it as your own home-based business. What would you expect from a good employee? What would you expect if you were an employee?” Decide up front how you’re going to handle pay and time off as well as special requests like pay advances, tardiness or bringing children to work.
It is strongly recommended planning ahead for what you will do if someone suddenly walks out, threatens to leave or needs to be fired. Have an emergency plan, such as a family member or an agency that can provide help until you hire someone new.
How often do personal boundaries get blurred? Again and again, but you always have an opportunity to start over, to have a discussion, to put those boundaries back in place and be more clear about them. Problems with personal boundaries are common for many people in the general population, not just those needing caregivers, and professional counseling can be very helpful with sorting out boundary struggles.
– explained by Jeanne Hoffman, PhD, rehabilitation psychologist.